when the world changes
I don't know what to think. A year ago today, I was looking forward to my student teaching at CHS, looking forward to graduating from college, and looking forward to starting a high school band director job. My grandmother and I would talk daily about teaching. My hardest decision was if my MM would be in conducting, educatio, or composition. I knew where I was and where I was going. That was a year ago.Since then, my mentor is in Germany, my other mentor is now at another university. I haven't found a job, and am in fact about ready to give up and go back to school if I don't find anything soon. I have the name of a contact person who can help get me in touch with the right people if I want to pursue studies in the med school prerequisite classes (you don't have to be a pre-med major to go to med school, just have a high enough GPA in ten classes, a good MCAT score, and a bachelor's degree). Oh, and try as I might, I can no longer pick up the phone and call my grandmother whenever I want to as she passed on last month.
My life has changed completely. When I entered college, when I graduated college, I knew where I was going. But now, I no longer do. What happened?
For starters, I didn't plan right. I knew what I wanted educationally, but not professionally, and quite frankly, I still don't. I know I love teaching music, conducting, composing, and performing, but I also know that this is just the start of where I want to be professionally. I also know that, try as I might, I am getting no where in this job search. I've sent out over 50 resumes, and have only had one interview for a job I really didn't want as it went against everything I stood for in music education.
Second, I let the need to fulfill a goal get in the way of the need to change that goal to something else. Had I realized all this four years ago, I could have easily taken those ten classes in place of the second major I was pursuing.
Third/Final,life is changing so much, and it's gone so far away from what I originally planned for it to be; I guess you can never set the future in stone though. I guess taking an unexpected turn can be good, but at the same time, it is hard to abandon dreams that I still wish to fulfill. What do I really want to do? Teach music, conduct, compose, be able to treat/diagnose musicians with problems related to their professions. How do I do that though? I would need a DMA as well as an MD. I'd be in debt forever.
posted by Amanda @ 10:33 PM
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